Atlanta, My Atlanta flashes back to 1970s race relations

Former Atlanta journalist Boyd Lewis describes social change at 7 Stages

by Curt Holman @Curt_Holman

COURTESY BOYD LEWIS

BACK IN THE DAY: Boyd Lewis (right) with J. Lowell Ware, publisher of The Atlanta Voice in 1970

RELATED EVENTS

• Atlanta My Atlanta @ 7 Stages
  www.7stages.org
  1105 Euclid Ave., Atlanta
  404-523-7647

  • $15-$20
  • Sat., Aug. 4

From 1969 to 1997, Boyd Lewis worked in nearly every possible form of journalism in Atlanta, from photographer to WABE radio broadcaster toCreative Loafing columnist. For his one-man show Atlanta, My Atlanta, Lewis focuses on his first decade in Atlanta, when he worked as the only white reporter for the African-American newspaper The Atlanta Voice. Currently a middle school English teacher in Los Angeles, Lewis returns to Atlanta on Aug. 4 for an "audio-illustrated memoir" featuring examples of his photography and radio work as he describes a transitional decade in the City Too Busy to Hate.

What does the 7 Stages show encompass?

I think the best capsule is "Race and journalism in Martin King's hometown." I call it that because "Martin Luther King Jr." is a trademarked name, and they'll send lawyers after you if you use it. I moved here in 1969, when Atlanta was just getting over the shock of his death. MLK was absent, but there was a wind that blew through the city. Atlantans of all persuasions followed in the example of our hometown hero. People proudly crossed the color line to elect the best candidates. It was an amazing decade. Atlanta theaters just exploded in the 1970s. I worked for the black press for six years and nobody said "Boo." It lasted until 1979 and the missing and murdered children case, when white people and black people went back to their separate corners.

As a white journalist, did you have difficulty gaining the trust of African-American sources?

Initially there was suspicion, as there should have been. At the time, the FBI was infiltrating activist groups through the program COINTELPRO. Sometimes black people had the suspicion that I was another person spying on them. I'd say to them, "I'm here because I'm dedicated to social justice" and tell them to read what's under my byline. I was barred from an all-black meeting about political strategy before the 1972 election, and from an information booth the Black Panthers had on Ashby Street — but those were the only times. Mostly I was a tool for getting the word out to the black community of Atlanta.

What aspects of Atlanta history do you emphasize?

The show goes through my career in journalism but focuses on stories that I always had questions about. One of them is the Wayne Williams case and the Atlanta child murders, when it seemed that once a week, sometimes twice a week, a child was found dead. The city was in a state of panic. I got a plum assignment to cover the case and read all the evidence. All of the evidence against Williams was circumstantial, using fiber evidence that's never been used in a conviction since them. I think that he was framed. Partly it's about the tarnished legacy of Martin Luther King. We hear "I have a dream" all the time, but no references to MLK's work on social justice. In his hometown, nobody talks about MLK, except how his rascally children are cashing in on his legacy. And I talk about how I was the last person to live in Margaret Mitchell's apartment, in 1977. I was writing my radio scripts the same way Margaret Mitchell wrote Gone With the Wind. I set up a portable table and typed by the gas stove with all the burners on to keep warm.

How much of the show is storytelling, and how much does it involve audiovisual aids?

Part is going to be like a Spalding Gray monologue, only with snapshots and a tape recorder for some of my radio broadcasts. I like to show pictures of the incredible, unappreciated, unknown Atlanta, including Atlanta's poverty. I have pictures from the early gay rights scene in Atlanta, including the first public gay rights march in 1972.

What do you think of Atlanta now?

I'm amazed at how many beautiful neighborhoods continue to exist. Cabbagetown, which used to be a hellhole of white gangs, is now gentrification personified. But they're chopping all the trees down. The city's being denuded of trees, and I hear it's running out of water, and the traffic is hideous.

Trayvon Martin Updates:Barbara Walters Not Down with George Zimmerman's Demands - Trayvon's Parents Reject Zimmerman's TV Apology (Video) - George Zimmerman Says He Prays for Trayvon's Parents in Interview - George Zimmerman Interviewed by Sean Hannity Tonight on Fox News - Zimmerman Team Responds to Woman’s Molestation Allegation - Woman Says Zimmerman was a 'Proud Racist’; Molested Her You are here: Home / Entertainment / Eric Benet’s Dark Skin Vs. Light Skin Song Causes Outrage (Video) Eric Benet’s Dark Skin Vs. Light Skin Song Causes Outrage (Video)

'You can talk about how wonderful it is to be with a dark complected person but how dare you talk about having an experience experience with light skin person'   

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*Eric Benet is feeling the heat from fans and some new enemies after dropping controversial song, “Redbone Girl,” playing on the classically Southern phrase describing light skinned women.

Outraged critics claim that he’s promoting the mainstream, racist standards of beauty.

“I think it’s its own form of racism,” he told CBS Local of the controversy. “I did a song called “Chocolate Legs’ about my experience with a dark skin lady. There was no anger or uproar of ‘How dare you.’ So ‘Redbone Girl’ is one song about one experience about a girl who happens to be light complected but there was quite an uproar.”

Despite him attempting to justify his position, online critics are relentless, saying the light skin beauty concept is linked to privilege and superior beauty.

“There’s a clear premium on light skin and on straight hair, whether it grows out of your head or not,” said Akiba Solomon gender blogger for Colorlines.com. “I’m not a big fan of songs that fetishize dark skin either. But you could argue that [the ‘dark-skin’ devoted songs] offer some sort of resistance to the prevailing beauty standards. He’s attempting to be provocative. He’s pretending that he’s never heard about light skin preferences. Let’s not pretend that it doesn’t exist.”

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But Benet doesn’t accept the argument, saying there is a double standard in society when it comes to artists expressing themselves and sharing their experiences.

“You can talk about how wonderful it is to be with a dark complected person but how dare you talk about having an experience experience with light skin person,” he said. “By no way is ‘Redbone Girl’ me professing my preference for any type of skin color. It’s just the songwriter talking about one experience. When people look into it much deeper than that, it’s on them.”

While Eric Benet does attempt to provide some sort of balance with a separate song and a disclaimer, Lil Wayne takes a less nuanced approach on “Redbone Girl.” He raps about the pleasures of a lighter skin girls in general terms, as if he’s taking a 2012 version of the “Doll Test.”

“I like the long hair, thick redbone … I like ‘em lights-kinned, lighter than a feather…”

Benet says no matter which side of the argument you stand, songs like “Redbone Girl” ultimately provide an opportunity to have the discussion about how blacks view each other.

“I think the fact that we are talking about it, it’s an issue,” he said. “Now it makes me, on my next record, want to talk about an experinece with an Asian girl. What I was trying to do as a songwriter is talk about the beauty of all. One at a time. The fact that it’s so sensitive, we need to talk about it.”

Habits That Hurt Women Over 40

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Interestingly, experts agree that there are a set number of behaviors that are more common in women over 40 that are increasing their risks of certain diseases, such as cancer, heart disease, stroke, Alzheimer’s disease, respiratory disease, and diabetes.

So what are some of the top diseases that you might be able to avoid with simple behavior changes?

Unprotected Sex

Although young adult women are most vulnerable to sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), rates are rising in their mothers’ generation as midlife women reenter the dating scene after divorce or widowhood. In fact, the most common STD, trichomoniasis, is more common in women in their 40s and 50s than in younger women, a 2011 Johns Hopkins study found. Untreated, trichomoniasis can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease. Rates of syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and herpes are up in 45-plussers, too.

Between 6 and 10 percent of HIV infections are in women over age 50, according to estimates, and the number rises to 28 percent of HIV cases in women over age 65. Normal changes due to aging, such as a thinning of vaginal walls and less lubrication, raise the risk of HIV infection, according to the Center for Age Prevention Studies.

Health Note: Barrier-method contraceptives and regular testing dramatically lower the risk of disease for those reentering the sex scene after a long, monogamous, trustworthy relationship.

Inadequate Sleep

Women have more trouble falling asleep than men and get less sleep overall, according to the National Sleep Foundation. Women also suffer more insomnia, more restless legs syndrome, and the sleep disruptions due to menopausal changes. Sleep apnea, which is more common in men, begins increasing in women after age 50; by age 65, it affects one in four women.

Insufficient sleep doubles the risk of hypertension in women, according to a 2007 University of Warwick study, upping the risk of heart disease, diabetes, and obesity. (Men’s levels of inflammatory markers didn’t change with less sleep.)

Health Note: The sweet spot for adding years to your life through sleep is more than 5 hours a night but less than 8.5, according to an analysis of Women’s Health Initiative data done at the University of California, San Diego, in 2010.

Sitting Too Much

Women are less likely than men to get at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise a day, according to a 2012 study in Preventive Medicine. Yet those who do move their bodies for half an hour a day showed a reduced risk of depression, metabolic syndrome, high cholesterol and obesity. Exercise at midlife also helps protect against osteoporosis, depression, cancer and, of course, being overweight.

Health Note: Sitting for long stretches can erase the benefits of daily exercise, warns the American College of Sports Medicine, raising the risk of diabetes and heart disease. Keeping moving, even standing up to stretch while you work, makes a difference.

Smoking

Smoking is the leading cause of preventable death in middle age. The longer you do it, the higher your risk of heart disease, Alzheimer’s disease, lung disease, and cancer. Women smokers of normal weight who smoked for 10 to 29 years had a 16 percent higher risk of breast cancer than nonsmokers, according to Women’s Health Initiative data on more than 76,000 women. Smoking for more than 50 years results in a startling 62 percent increase in death risk.

Health Note: No matter at what age you quit, your risk of added heart damage is halved after one year. The risks of stroke, lung disease, and cancer also drop immediately.

Drinking Too Much

Women are at greater risk for developing alcohol-related problems, including breast cancer, heart disease, alcoholism, and alcoholic hepatitis. Women, on average, weigh less than men, and have less water in their bodies than men – water helps dilute the alcohol. Hormone and aging also affect how they metabolize alcohol. More women than men show alcohol-related problems later in life, according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.

Health Note: The federal Dietary Guidelines for Americans call for one drink per day for women, compared with two drinks per day for men. And red wine is full of recommended antioxidants.

Dieting Too Much & Dieting Too Little

Many American women simply do not eat the right things, and their unbalanced diets lead to obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, anorexia, heart disease, and other health problems.

Health Note: The middle diet ground is a healthful diet that doesn’t skimp on nutrition or overdo empty calories. Nutritionists emphasize focusing on a mainly plant-based diet featuring whole grains, whole fruits and vegetables, healthy oils, and fish – what’s generally known as the Mediterranean Diet. Its anti-inflammatory, high-antioxidant benefits include a 33 percent reduced risk of developing metabolic syndrome.

Being A Caregiver

The average caregiver in the U.S. is a woman in her late 40s. Many are “sandwichers,” looking after both children and/or husbands and aging parents. With little time or opportunity for adequate self-care, they’re prone to “caregiving stress syndrome,” a condition linked to a medical chart full of health problems, including obesity, diabetes, heart disease, high cholesterol, dementia, and back strain. More than 70 percent of family caregivers show signs of depression.

Health Note: Caregivers are twice as likely to manage stress by smoking, binge drinking and emotional eating. When stress is managed with good self-care and time off, many caregivers report a deeply enriching experience. Some caregivers even show improved longevity, better memory, and better physical strength, as well as a sense of meaning and purpose, say Boston University researchers.

Photo Exhibit That Offers Diverse Portrait of African-Am​erican Young Men to Open in Philadelph​ia

On Friday, August 3, 2012, the groundbreaking photographic exhibit "By the Content of My Character: Portraits of African-American Young Men" will open in Philadelphia, PA. Fueled by the killing of Trayvon Martin, the exhibit offers a diverse and positive profile of young African-American men through photos, challenging the irrationality of the stigma often associated with them. Philadelphia, PA, July 30, 2012 --(PR.com)-- The groundbreaking photographic exhibit By the Content of My Character: Portraits of African-American Young Men will open on August 3, 2012 at the Hamid Gallerie (115 New Street, Glenside, PA 19038) and run through August 27, 2012. A concept of Philadelphia-based art teacher and photographer Denise Allen, in the wake of the racially-charged murder of Trayvon Martin, this powerful exhibit highlights young African-American males in a positive light, displaying their character and uniqueness through a series of photos. Moreover, the photos displayed in the exhibit boldly challenge the irrationality of the stigma associated with young African-American males and/or their choices of clothing. Fueled by Trayvon Martin's heart wrenching murder, like scores of others, Denise Allen was overcome by a mix of emotions ranging from sadness and disbelief to anger and rage. After learning about the circumstances behind the death of Trayvon Martin, Allen says emotionally, "I realized that it could have been my son or one of his friends and that in addition to providing my son with top-notch education and exposure to the right experiences, I had to place him within a support system that could address how African-American men deal with injustice and racism." Not only is Allen setting out for the exhibit to feature positive images, she says, "I also hope this exhibit will evoke conversations among African-American families regarding the alternatives and opportunities a Black man has at his disposal when facing struggles." By the Content of My Character: Portraits of African-American Young Men features photographs of twenty young African-American men, who like Trayvon, are in the prime of their lives with a bright future ahead of them. Each young man appears in a hoody, set in an environment, which rings true to their individual strength and uniqueness. Accompanying the 16x20 prints is language that spotlights the character of the young men and describes them in their own words. No longer can Americans be quiet during such serious times. Action is a must and Allen's offering is creatively manifested through this visual documentation. By the Content of My Character is Allen's chance to help enlighten the masses and deprogram popular stereo-types and beliefs that malign Black males. The opening reception for By the Content of My Character: Portraits of African Americn Young Men will take place on Friday, August 3, 2012, 6-9 pm. Members of the public and/or media interested in attending should contact Acclaim PR. The exhibit is free for the public to attend. However, donations are welcome. The Hamid Gallerie is open to the public Monday-Friday, 11am-6pm. Following the August 3-27, 2012 display at Hamid Gallerie, the exhibit will run at Starbucks (746 Old York Road, Jenkintown, PA 19046), September 8 - October 6, 2012. Denise Allen is an art teacher and photographer, who has been taking pictures professionally and working with children for most of her adult life. Her journey into photography started at the mere age of 12. Her only wish for high school graduation was a 35mm camera and upon receipt, her life changed forever. Allen believes that photography allows one to capture the true essence of a person or event and thus far, her experience includes catalogue work, editorial, fashion, weddings, special events and portrait photography. Allen has a B.A. in Photography/Fine Arts and a Masters in Art Education. Weaving these passions, Allen frequently develops photography workshops for children. Hamid Gallerie is one of the largest exhibitors and dealers of international art in the Greater Philadelphia region. Nestled in the Philadelphia suburb of Glenside, Hamid Gallerie's two-fold mission is to provide art enthusiasts with the opportunity to tour their gallery, enjoy their exhibits, and acquire new works for their own collections and to offer artists a venue to exhibit their work. Over the last 18 years, Hamid Gallerie has grown to be one of the largest collectors and distributors of indigenous African and contemporary art in the Greater Philadelphia region. In August 2011, Hamid Gallerie relocated to its present location of 115 New Street, a 10,000 sq. ft. pristine gallery blocks away from its old location and a 5 minute walk away from the SEPTA Regional Rail train station.

Contact Information

Acclaim Public Relations Flair Lindsey 202-277-8191 Contact

Higher Expectations Reduce Achievement Gap for Black Boys, Panelists Say

July 23, 2012 by Kaukab Jhumra Smith

CINCINNATI - The middle school years represent a critical time in the development of black males, the period where most young boys show “a precipitous drop” in their personal and academic achievement, a panel of leading educators and academics said today at a conference on child welfare held in Cincinnati.

Only one out every eight African-American boys in the fourth grade is proficient in reading, compared to more than three out of every eight fourth graders who are white, according to the U.S. Department of Education’s National Assessment of Educational Progress in 2011. By the time African-American boys reach the eighth grade, their rates of reading proficiency have fallen even further, with 11 percent reading at grade level.

It’s a problem with complex and tangled roots, nurtured by the historical inequalities created by slavery, the lack of older male role models, and low social expectations, panelists said. But, they stressed, it can be solved.

“Little black boys can do everything other little boys can do,” said Marian Wright Edelman, founder of the Children’s Defense Fund, which organized the four-day conference. She reeled off a list of “little black boys” who grew up to become national leaders.

“Frederick Douglas was a little black boy,” Wright said. “Barack Obama was a little black boy.

Nationally, less than 2 percent of public school teachers are black men, said Rev. Dr. Robert Michael Franklin, the president of the historically black Morehouse College in Atlanta. Studies show that just having an older black male show up in an inner-city classroom made both the boys and the girls perform better in an effort to impress him, Franklin said

Recruiting more black male teachers is one answer to raising the achievement levels of black male students, panelists agreed. Another is to segregate classroom by sex. Single-sex classrooms help boys focus on their academic work “without the distraction of girls,” Franklin said. However, he said, “It’s not a formula. It doesn’t work for everybody.”

More than anything, black boys need the same kind of mental and social support that all kids need, but they rarely get it, said Geoffrey Canada, who heads the nonprofit Harlem Children’s Zone. When there’s a shooting at a suburban school, for example, the school often announces it will bring in counselors for the entire student body, Canada said.

“I don’t ever see anyone talking about sending a counselor in an inner-city school after there’s been a shooting.” Canada said. “There’s this assumption that this is normal.”

The trauma created by living in a combat zone has mental and social consequences, Canada said. He added that even soldiers who spend a year away at war are provided with counseling, and inner city kids are in combat zones for years.

“We really just have to stop treating these kids as if they are anything else other than kids,” Canada said. “When you take these young people, and isolate them, and punish them, and they get no chance of redemption, they say, ‘Well, everybody else is giving up on me, so I may as well give up on myself.’

“All of us have done bad things,” Canada said. “Who forgives you and allows you to become honest again?”

Photo from Justice and Drugs Blog.

Report Claims Racial Disparity In Government-Backed Loan Origination

A coalition of community organizations has issued a report stating there was evidence of a "two-tiered mortgage market characterized by high rates of government-backed loans made both to borrowers in communities of color and to borrowers of color."

According to the report - titled "Paying More for the American Dream VI: Racial Disparities in FHA/VA Lending" - government-backed loans made up three of every four home-purchase loans made to African-American borrowers and two of three loans made to Hispanic borrowers. African-American and Hispanic homeowners received government-backed refinance loans 3.5 and 2.1 times more often than did white homeowners, respectively.

Furthermore, the report finds that government-backed loans made up almost 67% of the home-purchase loans made in predominantly non-white communities, while government-backed loans made up 27% of the refinance loans made in these communities.

"These patterns are symptoms of a deeper problem: the lack of access to prime conventional loans by borrowers and neighborhoods of color - in other words, ongoing redlining," says Spencer Cowan, vice president of the Chicago-based Woodstock Institute.

The report focused on lending patterns in Boston; Charlotte, N.C.; Chicago; Cleveland; Los Angeles; New York City;and Rochester, N.Y. Los Angeles was found to have the highest discrepancies for residents of non-white communities, while New York City had the highest discrepancies for African-American and Hispanic borrowers.

"These disparities are very troubling," says Barbara VanKerkhove, researcher and policy analyst at the Empire Justice Center, based in Rochester, N.Y. "Some people who were eligible for a more affordable conventional loan may have been steered into an Federal Housing Administration loan based on their race or where they live."

The report was created in collaboration by the Woodstock Institute, the Empire Justice Center, the Neighborhood Economic Development Advocacy Project, Reinvestment Partners, the California Reinvestment Coalition, the Massachusetts Affordable Housing Alliance and the Ohio Fair Lending Coalition.

Buffalo Soldiers Celebrate 146th Anniversary at Gathering in Tuscon

Posted by Stanley 

Tagged With: black civil war soldiers, buffalo soldier 146th anniversary, buffalo soldiers, heroes,indian wars, us army

      

Buffalo Soldiers – On July 28, 1866, Congress passed a measure establishing the ninth and 10th cavalries and four infantry regiments (38th, 39th, 40th, and 41st) to be comprised of African-American enlisted men. Three years later, the four infantry regiments were consolidated into two regiments, the 24th and 25th.

“The troops were paid $13 a month, plus room, board and clothing,” according to the National Park Service. “Enlistment was for five years. Almost immediately these new regiments were transferred to the Western states and territories for service on the American frontier.”

They became known as “buffalo soldiers,” and the origin of the name is up for debate. One story says it was given to them by Native Americans, who reportedly saw a resemblance between the black man’s hair and the mane of a buffalo, according to the Buffalo Soldiers website. Another story relates the name to the ferocious fighting spirit of the buffalo, who display unusual stamina and courage when wounded. The men were former slaves, freemen and black Civil War soldiers, who went on to fight in the “Indian Wars.” They also served as U.S. park rangers out West.

On July 28, buffalo soldiers will celebrate their 146th anniversary. The national association of buffalo soldiers, known as the 9th & 10th (Horse) Cavalry Association Buffalo Soldiers, will gather in Tucson, Ariz., July 23-29 to celebrate, said Kevin McCoy, an Air Force veteran, who is first vice president of the group, which is made up of descendants and veterans.

“They did a lot of military work, but they also established towns, some of which were all black, that are no longer in existence,” McCoy told The Root.  “Sometimes the only way to find their history is to get off the beaten path and look for the footprints of the old buildings. They aren’t always there because a lot have disappeared.”

Source: The Root

Is the black church causing obesity by encouraging overeating?

Blacks who attend church once per week might be at greater risk of developing obesity. (Photo: Getty Images)

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From Frugivore Magazine: Before you deem that question even remotely blasphemous, consider a study that was done by Northwestern University last year. The study tracked 2,433 participants, 41 percent of which were African American, for 18 years, only to find that those who attended one religious event weekly [were] more at risk for becoming obese.

Over at Urban Faith, author Will LaVeist cites his brother Thomas, who is both a professor and the Director at the Hopkins Center for Health Disparities Solutions. Thomas noted that Church culture often predicates a community where socializing begins and ends with food.

Black church culture is out of alignment with some biblical teachings, particularly when it comes to how we eat. Church culture has got us drinking Kool-Aid, eating white bread, fried chicken, large servings of macaroni and cheese and collard greens drenched with salty hog maws (foods that are high in sugar, salt, calories, and carbohydrates that trigger health problems). We’re eating this in the church basement at dinner and at church conventions! Meanwhile, the Bible teaches against gluttony.

Although it seems unfitting that the black Church should be directly held responsible for some of the health ails of the black community, as one of the staples in many of our neighborhoods, shouldn’t they at least aid in sending messages that healthy living includes both spiritual and physical well-being?

Some churches have began seeking out ways to do just that.

You may remember Rev. Michael O’ Minor, pastor of Oak Hill Baptist in Mississippi and one of the subjects of a conversation sparked by a New York Times article on healthy diet in churches. Pastor Minor was on a path to get his members to rally behind healthy eating. So much so that he banned fried foods, began to boil greens “with turkey necks instead of hamhocks,” and replaced sweet teas and soft drinks with bottled water. Minor also [installed] a track where he began having organized walks.

African Americans have the highest rate of obesity among all other groups.

What do you think? Is the Black Church Culture partially to blame for obesity in the black community? Is it time for more Churches to take action?

Read more great stories about black health on Frugivore.

8 Sneaky Signs Your Child’s Being Bullied | Team Mom

By Woman's Day
Team Mom

By Dawn Papandrea

teenage girls bullyingYour child would tell you if he's being bullied, right? Maybe not. "It's painful to say, 'I'm being targeted,'" says Cynthia Lowen, producer and writer of the documentary film, Bully , and co-author of the forthcoming book The Essential Guide to Bullying . While there's more bullying awareness than ever (who hasn't heard about the bullied bus matron?), children still fear their parents' response to the harassment can make the situation worse, says Lowen. Another reason kids may keep this info to themselves: "They may worry that admitting they're victims will disappoint their parents," says Jerry Weichman, PhD, a licensed psychologist specializing in teens and tweens at California's Hoag Neurosciences Institute in Newport Beach, CA, and author of How to Deal .That's why it's important to know how to spot the signs of bullying, which aren't as obvious as you'd think. Here are some surprising red flags to look for.Photo credit: Thinkstock

1. Sharing bullying euphemisms

When you ask your child about his day, and he says there's "drama" at school or kids were "messing around," it could be code for "I'm being bullied," explains Cindy Miller, a New Jersey-based licensed school social worker, psychotherapist and Lowen's co-author onThe Essential Guide to Bullying. If you hear that language often, ask for specifics, she suggests. For instance: "When you say 'messing around,' did anyone get physical with you? Did someone spread a rumor about you or call you a name? How did you feel when the 'drama' occurred?" Related: Become fluent in body language.

If your child still doesn't open up, tell him the difference between reporting and tattling. "Reporting is stating that someone's hurting you and you're trying to get help. Tattling is trying to get someone in trouble," says Miller. This way, he knows there's nothing wrong about giving facts.

2. Coming home hungry

Before you assume your little luncher is simply sick of PB&J, consider what else might be going on in the cafeteria. Perhaps another student is taking his food. Or maybe your child is giving away items voluntarily to become better-liked-or avoiding eating because he fears being ridiculed about his weight or what he's eating, says Miller. Again, asking direct questions in a non-threatening way here is key, says Lowen. Try: "Who did you sit with at lunch today? Did you like your food? What did you and your friends talk about?"

3. Coming home from school late

You may think he's hanging out with friends, but he may be taking a longer route home or skipping the bus to avoid bullies, says Miller. A change in after-school routine is how Tara Kennedy Kline of Shoemakersville, PA, realized something wasn't right. "He started calling me from the bus and asking me if his older buddies could come to our house after school," she says. Normally, her son was only allowed to have friends over after homework was done, and not at all if his parents weren't home. "Blatantly disregarding our rule was a red flag for us," she says. Soon after, she learned about a bullying incident that happened on the bus. So trust your instincts and dig deeper if your child does something out of character.

4. Frequently losing or damaging his things

Sure, kids can be careless and clumsy, but missing or torn/broken belongings can be signs of bullying. "Bookbags getting ripped. Someone takes something. Shoes thrown out of the window of the bus. These are all things bullied kids have told me happened to them," says Lowen. What's worse is that children are afraid to tell their parents about things like broken glasses in tough economic times, she says. Lowen also points out that some children give possessions away to win favor with the popular kids. "Parents should keep an account of what's missing and follow up on their child's excuse with other parents, teachers or school administrators," suggests Dr. Weichman. If there's a discrepancy between your child's excuse and the explanation an adult gives, your child may be covering for someone's bad behavior. Related: Try 8 home remedies that actually work.

5. Becoming upset after getting a text or going online

In the age of cyber-bullying, the end of a school day doesn't always offer taunted kids a reprieve. "If a parent suspects that cyber-bullying may be going on, she should first confront her child with her concerns, but also verify with monitoring software," advises Dr. Weichman. Beyond using parental spyware, it's important to keep computers in common areas at home, such as in the kitchen or family room, says Lowen. "If your child is in his bedroom for two hours and a situation is getting larger than life, he can feel like the entire world is turning on him," she warns. And it's hard to prevent your child from responding negatively if you can't see the situation unfolding.

6. Wearing long sleeves all the time or covering up when it doesn't seem warranted

Don't shrug off your child's desire to keep covered as shyness or a fashion statement. There might be visible signs of physical bullying he's trying to conceal. And here's why: " One reaction that parents often have is, 'you have to stand up for yourself' or 'hit him back,'" says Lowen. But a child may not be capable of or willing to follow that advice, so he hides bruises and cuts rather than face his parents' judgment. If you suspect your child is hiding injuries, don't react in a shocked or confrontational manner. Phrases such as "Tell me who did this to you right now!" should be avoided, says Dr. Weichman. Instead, put on your poker face and ask what's going on that might have contributed to the injuries. Related: What Men Really Think of Your Bikini

7. Disappearing friends

Most parents know who their children pal around with: who calls every night, who they join forces with for school projects, who's sleeping over. If the usual suspects are MIA, it might be more than the clique simply growing apart. "If your child's circle suddenly isn't around, ask, 'Where are your friends? What are they doing?'" suggests Lowen. When the Mishra family moved back to their old neighborhood in North Carolina, their teen daughter was excited to reconnect with her grammar-school friends. Unfortunately, things didn't work out that way. "One former friend decided she didn't like my daughter anymore and told the host of an upcoming party that my child shouldn't be invited," says Mishra. "That was when I realized that this was not harmless jealousy but outright bullying." Mishra's daughter is now considering moving in with her grandparents in Michigan for her senior year.

8. Claiming that after-school activities were cancelled or practice ended early

Cancellations happen, but if they're happening a lot, your child may be hiding that he's dropped out of an activity because of bullying. Changes in routine and a loss of interest in favorite hobbies are usually good indicators that something's amiss. "Kids send out distress signals when they're in trouble," says Miller. It's up to you to stay attuned, and get your child to open up. And when he clues you in, keep two things in mind. "You have to believe him, and it's probably worse than he's letting on," says Lowen.

Whether or not you spot these signs in your child, start an open dialogue about bullying so he knows you can be counted on, says Dr. Weichman. "Kids need to be reassured that sharing what's going on with their parents is both safe and non-judgmental."

Original article appeared on WomansDay.com .

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NAACP develops HIV manual for black churches

By JESSICA GRESKO

The Associated Press

WASHINGTON — Houston pastor Timothy W. Sloan has felt for years that he needed to talk about HIV and AIDS with his congregation.

But he worried the 3,000 mostly African-American parishioners at St. Luke Missionary Baptist Church in Humble, Texas, could be offended and leave the church or curtail their giving.

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"On a scale of 1 to 10 it was a 6," he said of his concerns.
Then, a year and a half ago, he joined a group of pastors organized by the NAACP to write a manual for church leaders like himself on talking to their congregations about a disease that has a disproportionate effect on the black community.
Sloan spoke to his congregation about the issue soon after. They surprised him with a standing ovation.
Now Sloan hopes others can use the manual he helped create to talk to their congregations. The NAACP this month released it and a 61-page activity manual at the group's convention in Texas.
Shavon Arline-Bradley, the director of health programs for the NAACP, who helped oversee the manual's creation, said it makes sense for the nation's largest civil rights organization to be involved in the discussion of HIV and AIDS.
"People look at us as just civil rights, and what they're missing is that health is one of the most pressing civil rights issues of our time," Arline-Bradley said.
Religious leaders who helped with the manual said black churches have been reluctant to talk about the disease. That's in part because the topic is wrapped up with sex and homosexuality, often taboo topics in the church.
"Sex is not something church people like to talk about. It's something they like to do," said the Rev. Joseph Smith, the assistant to the pastor of the Alfred Street Baptist Church in Alexandria, Va., and one of the people who worked on the manual.
Despite the squeamishness, the NAACP says black churches can play a role in combatting the alarming impact of HIV on the black community. African-Americans make up almost half of all new HIV infections, and blacks are less likely to get treatment and more likely to die of complications from AIDS than any other race.
Sheridan Todd Yeary, a Baltimore pastor who helped with the manual, said he believes the NAACP's involvement in the project will reassure some leaders that talking about HIV and AIDS is OK. He compared the organization's approval to the "Good Housekeeping Seal" of approval for household products.
The NAACP, which has its national headquarters in Baltimore, says the manual and an accompanying activity guide are intended to help pastors to learn more about HIV and encourage them involve their churches. The guides suggest pastors talk about HIV in sermons, connect their churches with groups that serve people with HIV, promote safe sex and access to condoms, and organize church-based HIV screening drives. The manual also includes facts about the disease and passages from the Bible to serve as inspiration.
Over 250 faith leaders gave input on the manual during an 11-city tour conducted by the NAACP. A total of 400 of the manuals were printed, and they are also available online.
Earlier this month, Sloan, the Texas pastor, got a rapid HIV test in front of his church. After services, more than 160 people waited in line, some for two hours, to get their own tests at a church-organized testing drive. Sloan said he hopes other ministers have similar success.
"It's imperative we begin this conversation," he said.

Funerals: How to Beat The High Cost of Dying

Patrick Smith/Getty Images

Funerals: How to Beat The High Cost of Dying

By ELISABETH LEAMY

They say death and taxes are inevitable. When you hear that old truism you probably picture all of the money the taxes will cost you.

But guess what? Death can be pricey too because funeral homes and cemeteries sometimes charge high prices during our time of grief.
The Federal Trade Commission and the U.S. Department of Justice have just fined a Washington, D.C., funeral home $25,000 for failing to provide a list of casket prices to consumers before they choose one. That's against the FTC's funeral rule, which is meant to make sure people know all of their options when making arrangements for the death of a loved one.
Funerals are one of the most expensive purchases consumers ever make. A traditional funeral costs about $6,000 and fancier ones can easily top $10,000
In the past, unscrupulous funeral homes have only shown customers fancy caskets. Rushing to make funeral arrangements, many families have felt they had no choice but to go with one of these expensive choices. That's why, every year, the FTC goes undercover to see if funeral homes are informing customers of their full range of choices. In my years of covering the Federal Trade Commission, I have to say that this is the most aggressive, proactive approach I have seen the agency take with any consumer issue.
Under the Funeral Rule, you have the right to choose the specific goods and services you want, instead of being pushed into a package deal. Funeral directors are required to give you an itemized price list that you can take home with you. Ask for one. They are also required to give you a list of casket prices before they show you any caskets. That's so you'll know the full price range even if the funeral director is pushing pricier models.
If you choose to buy a casket from someone other than the funeral home, you can. Funeral homes are not allowed to refuse an outside casket. You can also switch funeral homes at any time, as long as you pay the original funeral home for the goods and services you have already used. Here are some other common funeral schemes.
• Charging extra for filing the death certificate or getting it medically certified. • Charging a fee to handle an outside casket. (Funeral homes are required to accept outside caskets.) • Charging a commission for forwarding payment to third parties. • Claiming embalming is required by law when it's not. (Check with your state.) • Charging for goods and services that the family did not request. • Charging for goods and services that the family did request, then not providing them.
There are additional pitfalls at the cemetery. It's better to deal directly with the cemetery, so you know what you're getting, rather than buying a cemetery plot through a funeral home. Make sure you visit the cemetery in advance and that you like it. Then sign a contract with the cemetery, including the itemized cost of each burial service and the location of the plot. Religious and non-profit cemeteries often don't have to be licensed. For-profit cemeteries often do.
Shoddy maintenance is another frequent problem. When you visit the cemetery, look for signs of deterioration. Consider whether you're buying one of the last plots. If so, the cemetery won't be bringing in new revenue for much longer and may face financial difficulties. Make sure your contract with the cemetery specifies the level of maintenance you can expect. Choose a cemetery with a perpetual care fund. The fund sets aside money for maintenance.
DO YOUR HOMEWORK:
1. If you choose to prepay for your own funeral, make sure your family knows. Leave instructions where your family can easily find them. Some families have paid twice for funeral services because they didn't realize their loved one had made arrangements.
2. Get itemized price lists from more than one funeral home and compare. Make sure the funeral homes are not owned by the same company. National chains now own many funeral homes, cutting down on competition.
3. Check the reputations of the funeral homes by contacting the Better Business Bureau and your county and state consumer protection offices.
4. Find out what's included in the funeral home's basic services fee.
5. Consider getting receipts for fees the funeral home will pay to third parties like florists, limousine companies and cemeteries, or pay these providers yourself.
6. Compare costs at different cemeteries.
7. Find out if the cemetery you're considering is required to be licensed and whether it is.
8. Check the cemetery's reputation with the BBB and county and state consumer protection offices.
9. Visit the cemetery and the specific gravesite before committing.
10. Sign a contract with the cemetery that specifies the price, where the plot is located and the level of maintenance.